20 years

We're supposed to know something about ourselves... something concrete- something that has value. Today is my twentieth birthday and I don't know anything about me. Sure- there are little things... things that make me who I am- but they're changeable.

What about myself never changes? What beliefs do I foster that will never go away? What is it about me that, if you took it away- I wouldn't be me anymore?

20 years old...

damn

getting old?

Wouldn't it be great to APPEAR young forever?
I think I'd like to be done at 85... but look 25...

hrmmm

project your self
so the color you see
is
the color you
live

i am blue- loving every bit of me-
and parts of you
live

to satisfy your body
at any cost
live

speak so you hear
yourself
above any other
voice

the power of reasons is universal
listen- but hear YOUR voice
be in tune with your senses-
- and discover a melody so sensual, pleasing, and unique

you have no choice
but to use
your

voice

Hardly

touch my soul
find my love
and use if to your advantage

because what we say and what we mean
are
two separate realms of existence
like a fire- it burns
yet I'm cold... freezing cold

the warmth doesn't touch me
it runs- finds a worthy hose
to transfer emotion

i am numb now
and the sickness grows
with each breath
i hold-- try not to breathe

but your eyes...
they take my breath away
they stop the sickness
they keep me warm

love? Hardly...

Gay Men Suck (Continued)

Just over two and a half months ago- I met a guy. He is fun, smart, cute, and mentally stimulating (a huge plus). This guy and I talked for a couple weeks before I made a move... a quick kiss- in my car. It was short, sweet, and had sexy written all over it. From that moment on- I was hooked on what I didn't know; I needed to know.

He's the first guy... the first guy I ever started to develop feelings for- and it felt scary. I distanced myself to an extent that confused him and, ultimately, paved the way for the absolute worst event- he hooked up with his ex-boyfriend.

We never had a discussion regarding exclusivity- even though he alluded to wanting that from me many, many times. Officially- we weren't... he and I were not in a relationship. Of course- regardless of that fact, it still hurt me- a lot.

I'm an idiot, though. Just recently, I have decided to try and make it work with this guy. For some reason- regardless of all the shit that has happened, it seems to me- worth it. I mean- there are so many things about him that I find interesting, and smart. That's not something that I come across often- at all (especially in this town). Why is it that, after this shitty situation, I am willing to put myself out there ONCE AGAIN- fully realizing that there is a potential for him to do this again.

the conversation is great
the sex is phenomenal
he is amazing

gay men suck

gay men suck

What is the condition of love and relationships in 2008? In what direction are we headed?

more to come...