When we're not open about being gay... it's entirely too easy for us to handle social pressure. If someone doesn't like us- that's fine... because we're not really being ourselves. However, once we've come out... it's like we're entirely different animals.

At every stage of life we are presented with a new set of social standards. We're expected to act a certain way, dress a certain way; some would even go as far as to say that we are ultimately destined to LIVE a certain way. This is wrong- this is unlife.

I came out nearly a year ago at the age of eighteen. Prior to that day I was living in denial. If someone had an issue with me or my personality, it wasn't a problem; that person didn't really know me. Now that I've come out, though, I find myself nervous in certain social situations. I catch myself wondering whether or not to say something... or backtracking and reliving what I'd already said in order to be safe. For some strange reason, I have this inability to accept social criticism when I am being entirely MYSELF.

This is what pulls me away from my homosexuality; a new set of emotions regarding awareness. Ultimately- this is what I need to change. Not only do I have to realize that being who I am is as good as it gets- but I also have to operate in a state of mind that forces me to believe that other people think this way too.

lovin' all of you,

cammo