The situation got crazy... and I had absolutely no idea how to deal with anything that had been happening.

At the beginning, Ryan seemed to be this really good guy; he still is. The idea of a realtionship scares me, though. How was I supposed to deal with the shit he was saying? Everything had a hint of "long term" in it- and that isn't anything that interests me what-so-ever.

I had to end it- even though it was all great. He was the first guy I ever did anything with...
That's ok though. However- I feel like I've used one of my "hook up" cards. I can't do anything with anyone for a couple of months now. I know- it sounds stupid... but I play the game of STAYING SAFE and making sure my REPUTATION is good. Stupid? Not at all.

The last thing anyone wants to be recognized as is a slut... that- indefinitely- is not me.

In other news- School is starting to wind down a little bit. Last week was pretty stressful- but I handled it like a champ... no worries. I'm sure I'll end up with good grades- so that at least makes me really, really happy.
The major thing is still on my mind- I have absolutely no idea what I want to do with my life. One day I want to write, the next day I want to be a doctor- the other... uhg- a nurse? I have absolutely no fucking idea!

The only thing that sucks about wanting to be a doctor is the fact that you're in school for a MILLION YEARS!
If I'm compaining- maybe I shouldn't be a doctor- right? Or maybe.

THen again- there is that idea of being a Lawyer. The only thing that scares me about that route is the fact that there are SO MANY lawyers out there. You have to be really, really good. REALLY good.

Then there is the dentistry thing. I could walk into my dads practice and make bank. Maybe that is what I should do. I think that I could do the dental school thing- It makes the most sense- and it isn't like I couldn't do it. I would love to take that shit over- and make good money- and be financially secure for the rest of my life.

Plus- I would also love to work along side my dad.
Maybe... just maybe. That is what I'm going to do- or at least that is what I think I'm going to do as of right now :)


Anyway- I'm sporatic with my thoughts at the moment.
love ya guys,

cam